Here's the second one written at Denny's tonight. It's not as good as the first, so go back and read the last entry, so that I might redeem myself.
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They say that when
A sleeper hold is applied correctly
It only takes about 30 seconds
For someone to go unconscious
Imagine that if you will
Someone comes around behind you
Slips thier arm around your neck
And your vision immediately starts to dim
Then the darkness begins to claim you
Starting at the corners of your eyes
And slowly crawling across you sight
Like a snail
Seeking the center
The same as that force
Which modern physics tells us doesn't exist
I've only tried it once
It was late '93
And my then bassist
Said something off-color
About my then girlfriend
In retrospect
I should have agreed with him
Instead I tried to be the good guy
Tried to get the silly-assed
Chia-pet headed bugger to apologize
Now you have to understand
We were both drunk at the time
As I often was around then
(Hmmm, I guess that part
Isn't that different from now, huh?)
He says somethig like
"Hey, man
"You'ld better back off
"Or I'll..."
At this point my eyes
Became twin suns blazing
And I cut him off in mid-sentence
"You'll what", I screamed
"I'll tell you what you'll do!!"
And with that I slipped around behind him
Faster then even I thought I could move
Wrapped my left arms around his fat head
Placed my left knee
In the small of his back
Grabbed my right hand with my left
And leaned back
"You'll do absoulutely nothing
"Jack-fuckin'-shit
"You hear me"
(I have never before
(Nor will I ever again
(Say "You hear me", by the way)
Well
A little while later
(I'm not really sure the exact length of time
As a mixture of alchohol, anger, and adrenalin
Has a tentendcy of slitting time
Into two lengths;
Way too fast
Or way too slow)
He went down to his knees
And for a second I thought
He was trying to slip out of the hold
So I pulled back harder
And as he started to go limp
I came to my senses
And let go of him
When he finally got off the ground
He decided he had to look manly
So he grabbed me by the arm
And pushed me
(not very well I might add)
Saying,
"If you ever do that again
"I'll kick your ass"
I smiled
And told him that if
I ever had to do that again
He would never get up
To do anything about it
He was always real careful
About what he said to my girlfriends
From that point
~Matt Magus
