2001-10-12

"you probably seen me sleepin
out by the railroad tracks
go on and ask the prince of darkness
what about all that smoke come from the stack
sometimes i kill myself a jackel
suck out all the blood
steal myself a stationwagon
drive it through the mud"
~Tom Waits; "Whistlin' Past the Graveyard

That how vilified I sometimes feel, when idiots who don't know a bloody thing about me start flapping there gums, and I hear about it later. You wouldn't believe some of the bullshit people have spread about me. Some of this crap comes straight out of the fuckin' Twilight Zone. I once caught wind of a rumor that I was raising an undead army, or some such shit. Now if such a thing were really possible except in metaphor, believe me, I would be the guy to find out how to do it, but still. The funniest part for me was finding out that there were people who actually bought this guy's shit. The next time I saw the guy who was saying this nonsense, I walked up to him, laughed in his face, and walked out of the building. Of course, being the two-faced piece of shit he was, he came outside as I got in my van all smiles, asking me what was going on. I told him that I heard what he said, and he was very apologetic, saying that he said those things out of anger. I laughed at him and told him not to apologize, after all he was doing me a favor with this b.s. This puzzled him, until I pointed out that he was making me into something mythological, while at the same time making himself look powerless, asking for help to "get" me, and especially looking bad to the people who weren't going to buy that line of crap, one of which he was trying to solicit to kick my ass. After telling him all this I drove off, laughing my old maniacal laugh (which is really more of a cackle, and more than enough for effect on almost anyone).

Enough of my ranting, here's tonight's poem damnit!

---------------------------------

There's nothing quite like
These hungers that can never be satisfied
Hunger for better, longer
Dreams
Hunger for a level of self-sufficiancy
That can never be attained through
Normal means
The hunger to become
As sagely as I wanna be
But most of all
That hunger to be the best at what I do
The patron God of Mysticism and Poetry
Thoth, Crowley, Hermes, and Yeats
All in one
Disgusting looking wrapper
You see, I don't care to become "cute"
Looks would only get in the way
Of how I want to present myself
To the world
And even if I had a thimble
Full of charisma
It could overcome my inherant
(Ahem) unornamental features
Besides,
At various points in my life
For some stupid reason or other
I was branded as attractive
And do you want to know
What that got me?
Mostly just obnoxious dates
Good looking
But the kind of people who
Open thier mouths
And any attraction I had
Would become nausea
With a cavernous emptyness
Where thier minds should be
And less personality
Than some toe-nail clippings I've seen
And oft crazier than
All of Griffin Memorial
All in one little, pretty head
~MattMagus

p.s. I'm not usually this bitter, really. No, really.
O.K., I guess I am, but it's fairly true.
pps. I think I'm getting better at this html thing (italics left off at the end on purpose)

0 comments so far