It's unseasonably warm tonight in Oklahoma, very few storms have hit us yet this spring, and all but one of those have been disapointing in thier magnitude. Kind of like me. Even though my poetry and performance of such has gotten better than ever, I feel all sorts of empty tonight.
Being alone usually does this to me, which is odd because I almost always feel alone, even among my best friends. There has been two very fond periods of my life in which I haven't felt this way, and I have to give a big THANK YOU to Micha and Jen for those memories. Tonight I feel particularly lonely.
It occurs to me that I have yet to talk about Micha in this journal/diary thing. Perhaps that's a good sign, but now that I've mentioned her I have to do the obligitory explaination of who she is, and what effect she has had on me.
In October of 1994, I wasn't doing much for my life, much like right now. I had a large group of "friends" (most of which turned out not to be such good people as I had thought), and we called ourselves "the family" (cheesy I know, but I didn't start it and I don't think anyone remembers who did). One particular member of which was Chandra, who was an oversexed 30-year old woman who thought she was much better looking than her anorexic ass really was, and thought she was some goddesses gift to man (Discordia's maybe). For no obvious reason I was hanging out at her house quite a bit, probably because it was better than home.
Chandra had a booth at AMC Flea Market, where she sold various nick nack type objects. One day she wasn't feeling particularly well and asked if I and a guy named Chris (who could never decide if he was gay or bisexual, but that's a story for another time) to run the booth for her, and as always when I'm half-asleep, I readily agreed. I'm very glad I did. This was Oct. 29, 1994, a Saturday.
Running a booth at the flea market was quite boring at first, I assure you. People really didn't have much interest in the things we had to sell, which were mostly globe-type things and music boxes. These things were ever-present anywhere you went in AMC, and most people didn't really care by the time they got to us.
Eventually, in came a young lady with an art portfolio and a make-up kit, which was a little odd because she wasn't wearing any at the time. Somehow, even without make-up, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen (I'm told these days from people who see pictures of her, or see her with her current hairdo that she's not that pretty...I still say that they are either jealous or just plain full of shit). She had long golden blonde hair that even today makes me sit in awe just picturing it.
It seems she ran a toy booth, and until that day I had never believed in love at first sight. The make-up kit she had because she was dressing up for the Halloween season, and a sexier cat person I have never seen (especially in that body suit, allow me to be a hormonal 19 year-old again for a second...DAMN) So I did what any young horny, yet sensitive and shy boy would have done...I wrote a poem about her (which she found about a year later, and to my knowledge kept).
Eventually, I heard her playing the Crow soundtrack in her toy booth and used that to give me the courage to go and talk to her. As it turnes out, she was/is a member of this "family" thing, and knew a lot of people I knew, one of whom told me that she was seeing someone, which momentarily crushed my hopes, but being young and stupid I decided to hit on her friend anyway...
What follows is a night of pure weirdness, the full details of which I will not disclose due to not wanting to bore anyone to death. I'll just say that the night moved from the flea market, to Denny's, to a cemetary, to Wal-Mart, to a truck stop and to a hospital. At the end of it all there was me, Micha, Chris, and a girl named Shay (who was naive to a fault, or at least pretended to be), and Micha invited me to a "Devil's Night" party the next night.
At this party, Micha asked me if I wanted a relationship with her...and I quickly said yes. What follows after this are nearly two of the best damn years that I've spent in anyone's company. I believed very much that I was going to marry her. The relationship ended (in simple terms) because I was a self-absorbed young and stupid asshole...and that's the bottom line, because Matt Magus said so.
~M
P.S. damnit!!!!!! Why does she always come up at times like this!!!!!!
