2002-04-02

He-he. I love it when people talk shit about me. Especially when said shit talking is all in half-truths and highly hypocritical. While I usually try to be the first to admit my shortcomings and then see or hear some sort of critisism about me that the accuser is himself/herself guilty of as well it just reminds me about what Beastly Uncle Al said about busybodies. The man was not right about a whole lot of things, especially when it comes to moral issues, but when he was, he was always dead on.

Damn, I'm such a dork. I was looking through all of the latest comments I added to my favorite diaries part of my profile, and it seems I couldn't think of a better term for most of them than "interesting". I will have to correct that in the near future, if only I can pull my Thesarus from out of my pants.

On that particular subject, I have a question for all of you. At what point in any of my poems or in any conversation I may or may not have had with any of you did I ever say I was perfect? Never, you say? Why that's rather interesting, because it seems that whenever I do or say something that somewhat contradicts somethings else I've said in a poem, say, in casual conversation, people seem to like to make a note of it and attempt, in rather unique ways, to chastise me. I will give you my favorite Waly Whitman quote here: "Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes" (from "Song of Myself"). Now just because I'm amused (highly) by hypocrisy, does not neccesarily mean I am completely free from it. While I might have written something, and absolutely ment it at the time, that does not mean that I will feel the exact same way after I've had a little sleep. Perceptions change over a period of time. And while I may not like the idea of objectifying anyone, I too, have been quite guilty of it on occasion. I would be lying if I said otherwise, and I think any of you would too. It doesn't mean that it's ok to think that way, but don't point fingers if you aren't willing to have four of the little buggers pointed back at you, if you catch my meaning. Did that make any sense whatsoever? I didn't think so...oh, well...the best laid rants of Matts and Magi, and all that rot.

Another thing I want to know, why is it that now that it's been pointed out that I've been going to Oklahoma readings longer then one of the hosts (and possibly both, but neither of us are certain of it), why do I all of the sudden get all of this "respect" when before I was just another voice in the endless wave of poets? For that reason alone I'm rather upset that it has been pointed out. I should have to earn respect with my poetry rather than the fact that I have no friggin' life. Well, I suppose most poets don't have a friggin' life and that's why they're poets, but still, suddenly people are treating me as if I were as good as Taz or Bob or even Tapestry, when I'm not quite there yet, and I don't like it. Make me earn your fucking applause. Make me earn your "damns", which have been flying way too freely in my direction lately. (for those of you who don't know, there is an unofficial "rule" at the readings here in OKC. Whenever a poet really f'n moves you...and I mean REALLY f'n moves you. Then you, as a member of the audience, are supposed to give the poet a "loud and uproarious", as it has been said for nearly three years now, "DAMN".) It's really eerie, especially as my poems haven't improved that much in the last three months. By the way, someone has been coming to my website lately, after having searched for things like "okc slam team", "San Fransisco slam team", and various other things...unfortunately they keep hitting the same frickin' page. So there, one more entry you can hit. :P

There's definitely a poem stuck somewhere in my head right now, but I seem to be having trouble dislodging it from my cranium. If only there was a really wonderful way I could say those thing I've been feeling lately without turning it into a cliche or worse yet, something incredibly dull to the reader/listener. Ah, maybe later tonight I'll have it, but then again maybe not...

~Matt Magus

0 comments so far

<<< | >>> | Random