According to an article written by Stile of stileproject.com (check out my links page for a link directly to it, just added tonight), I am experiancing some of the symptoms of an Internet Addict. Let's pull out a check list shall we:
1: Desensitized to porn, check
2:Starting to have problems in socializing with "real" people in "real life", umm, that's always been a problem for me, so check I guess
3:Very little of what I see on the Internet shocks me any more, check, in fact I usually laugh at the shocking shit...crap
4:Masterbation becoming difficult, ummm...no comment
Anyway, the point is I really f'n need to get out more, I've taken probably dozens of online "tests" to amuse myself, read hundreds of diarys and online articles, and am now getting so bored with everything that I've started playing video games to escape from the 'net when the 'net is supposed to be an escape. Just tonight I played "Baldur's Gate" for three hours just so that I didn't have to get online so soon. (thus the reason for this late night/early morning entry). Hell sometimes just to amuze myself I've looked up names from people I haven't seen in ages on google and other search engines (including looking up myself, which is probably way more egotistical than I would like to admit). Just look at how much my links page has grown in the past month or so, that in and of itself is enough to say that my ass needs to step away from this crack pipe of a keyboard and do something else. I highly doubt I will however, because (like a junkie making up excuses for his habit) I feel like a have a duty to you, my five or six regular readers to keep cranking out these crappy rants and poems. Not that I'm blaming you for my addiction, I know better, it's just an excuse I'm using at the moment.
I highly urge any of my regular readers (and even the ones who just wanders here because I mispelled "Stilleto") to go to Hellblazer.com (again in the links section), go to the sub-area "Brownian Motion" and read "Idiot Savants". It's a rather amusing political rant about how the author(s?) have decided that there is no "Great Conspiracy", because the people "running it" are obviously too stupid to form much of one. Go and read it, you'll love it.
I'm going to attempt a new poem now, please forgive me if it goes way out there, tonights a rambling free-verse night.
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I would cross a thousand smiles
Just to have one that was all mine
And yet would toss that one away
If it got in the way of my fractured goal
As scattered as they may be
Sometimes
I think I'm going to
Make the world a better place
Just by throwing pearls to swine
Once or twice a week
But don't get me wrong
I know better
You see the kind of changes I want to take place
In the minds of all humanity
Don't just appear in a puff of smoke
Just because some wanker or another
Decided to say or not say something
These are the kinds of changes
That have to brew in the collective unconscious
Before they can really be drunk
By society at large
You are a little like me
An idealist
Wanting to cause people
To be a little nicer to each other
Based on your words alone
Make no mistake
You give good advise
Sometimes saying things
That I don't have the guts to say myself
But I also see you getting frustrated
At the world for not
Digesting what you have to say
At yourself
For not being strong enough
To make the world listen
Sometimes at people
Who are also a little like me
Because you think we misrepresent ourselves
But other than my name
I've made no real claim
And I've been going by that
Since I found it in the dictionary
At age thirteen
And I think I'll repeat myself one last time
For those of you
Who weren't listening the first time I said it
"I'm just another lost and lonely little kid
"Looking for answers that I might never find
"Every now and then I get lucky though"
You see
I don't see myself as being
Any better then you
Her
Or even the drunk guy at the bar
And it's not a lack of self-esteem
That makes me see these things
In fact I keep trying really damn hard
To fight off my ego
With everything in my arsenal
And the way I get sometimes
I think my aims been way off lately
Something I learned a while back though
The second you start to think
That you are better
Or above someone else
That's when you start to slide
Down into the Qlippoth
And you mind starts to eat itself
So do not hate
Those that disagree with you
Any more than you would hate
Those that you disagree with
For that's the trap of it
When on a holy crusade of any kind
Those that you disagree with
Often become the Enemy
Because thier opinions and so-called truths
Differ from yours
Does my holy book not say
"None can unite the divided but love"?
And do you remember this part
"Let no difference be made
"Between one thing and
"Any other thing
"For thereby cometh hurt"?
It holds true for opinions
As much as anything else
And while I could re-hash Crowley's words all night
They still won't bring us
Anywhere closer to the truth or each other
So before we ever get to that point
Of casting our evil eyes
All over the room
Until no one can walk without
Hearing a *squish*
Perhaps we need to have a little drink
With everyone here
Who we disagree with
Who disagrees with us
And just to play it safe
The people we agree with too
Because hate will do nothing for us
Except maybe get us arrested
Or at best
Serve as a muse for poetry
~Matt Magus
Hey, don't say I didn't warn you. Long and rambling, that's the Matt way.
