2002-01-29

Orange and red flames
Dance along the ground around me
A personal pyro show
The tracks I'm walking along
Have been carefully and deliberately
Decorated and arranged
To show cheesy "satanic" symbols
How cute
Someone doesn't want me to see
What's up ahead
Couldn't have given me a better
Reason to continue my path
Besides
Past this rail yard
I can see a truck stop
And I'm out of cigarettes
Nothing happens and I'm very disapointed
So I go into the gas station
And wouldn't you know it
The moron behind the counter
Can't seem to find the kind I want
Perhaps that earlier bit of nonsense
Was trying to tell me I
Won't find any good smokes here
After all
A so-called convienence store
That doesn't sell decent cigarettes
Has to be satanic itself
There is a radio station
Playing on the overhead speakers
That I just now noticed
Hmmm...
U2's "One"
I'm overcome with an
Overwhelming urge to sing along
So I slip quietly into the men's room
In order to keep ALL
Of the locals from staring
Inside is a drag-queen or transgendered person
Changing a baby's diaper
I can tell by the way she looks
At the child
That it was hers from before
Her self-discovery
I can't hold in the song anymore
Sticken by this scene and the music
"You say love is a temple
"Love the higher Love
"Love is a temple
"Love the higher Love
"You ask me to enter
"And then you make me crawl
"But I can't be holding on
"To what you've got
"When all you've got is hurt"
I realize that I'm singing
To both the transgendered person before me
And the child
Because all too soon
Society itself will conspire
To attempt to make the child
Hate this mother/father figure
And I'm nearly crippled
With the tragedy of it
He/She looks at me
And from that look
I can see she/he understands
Why I'm singing
She knows the pain
That the future will most certainly bring
But she would rather I didn't
Remind her of it right now
She would rather just
Enjoy this time
When her child is still innocent
And not jaded and filled
With the world's hatred
I almost cry as I'm walking away
Damn that boy
Had better have found
My cigarettes by now

-----------------------------------------

This is based on a dream I had (which you would know, had you read the last entry) last night. There was a hell of a lot more to it, but I didn't want to include too many of the things that happened. Most of them are even more pointless then the beggining of the poem (which I thought was the best place to start it). One thing I would like to point out though. The "drag-queen" whom I mention is someone I know, although vaugely. I know that she perfers to be called "transgendered", but old habits and all that (I had hung around way too many actual "drag queens" who were rather proud of the moniker). Besides, I think that "drag-queen" sounds much better in this context. If I offend anyone, I would say I'm sorry, but if you are so vain that you would quibble over such nonsense then I'm not. Words are nothing when they carry no hate behind them, and I have absolutly no hatred for this person, just admiration. She's a damn good poet, and is more gutsy then she gives herself credit for, and especially more so than the "macho" wankers who I used to know.

~Matt Magus

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