For the sake of honesty
I have to say
That I've been hiding
Especially from myself
I've spent far too long
Trying to fight myself
Rather then letting myself be me
It's funny
That you can blame this sort of thing
On external issues all you want
But the problem is
And always has been inside
What's not so funny
Is how obvious it is
And how you seem to always just look away
At just the right times
It would be easy to blame someone else for this
But easy never means right
(see my relationship with C)
There's another problem
Throwing swine to pearls
Trying too hard to be honest
Has made me fake
How fucked up is that?
My passions faded
When I held myself so still I fell apart
And then wondered why no one
Offered to sweep me up again
Foolish
I got myself in this mess
No matter what others may think
And I have to re-integrate myself
And that's not something that people can help you with
I would ask you to forgive this rambling
But I don't really care
And you probably shouldn't be reading this tripe anyway
It'll rot your soul, you know
Sometimes
All I want to do
Is escape
As if that would help
The fact is
When the problem is you
You tend to carry it with you
Ya bleeding moron
And all the buggery jokes in the world can't change that
Even if they put you on a stage in New Mexico
....This is Matt loosing his fucking mind....
Nothing new with that though
I've been bleeding through the fingers for years now
And it doesn't get better
Because the problem is always improperly diagnosed
And the treatment terribly mismanaged
Just like something else to the east
And that's what they call deflection
and NO
I don't give a shit whether I spelled that right or not
This is called brainstorming
But it might as well be called
Fucking around for it's own sake
My word economy is going directly in the shitter on this one
But that's not supposed to be the point
And anyway,
Who in thier right mind would actually want to polish this turd
Other then a Laveyite
And only then because that's what they like to do
Fucking closet Christians
~M
