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Jumping Yehehshuvah-Ben-Yoseph, am I ever going to stop ranting?

2003-06-30

I worked out a little bit before I went to bed last night, more to tire myself out so I could sleep then for any other reason. I'm already a little sore. This does not bode well for about 3:30 tonight/tomorrow morning, as I'm probably going to be hurting pretty badly. That's ok though, it just means that it's working.

Jen-Jen is coming over tonight to make watch wrestling with us and she's going to make stoup for us! I haven't had her cooking in a really long time, so I'm looking forward to it a lot. I guess she's also going to be doing the layout for Raymond's new diary. You'll notice that I haven't linked to it yet, either on my page or in my D-land profile. This is because I'm waiting to see if he will update a little more regularly then he previously had. I doubt anyone besides me remembers his last one, but he updated a total of three times in the first year, and then one year later he added a new entry, and then nothing. I think perhaps he was trying to hard to search for interesting things to say. It's really not neccessary, or so I've learned. This is, after all supposed to be one's diary/journal. Somewhere were one can jot down one's random thoughts or writing ideas, or whatever the heck someone wants to.

This is why I usually have such a big problem when someone tells me they've been censoring themselves in thier diary or LJ or whatever. If someone is not mature enough to handle what they read in someone else's diary, then they need not be reading it. I think I had this conversation over and over again with Jen-Jen when the kilt-gnat would occasionally give her shit over what she wrote in fsck. What I mean, essentially is this: We use these diaryies/journals to talk about anything that happens to be on our minds at the time, if YOU don't think you can handle it, should anything negative be written about you, then DON'T READ IT! No one gets along with anyone else 100% of the time, and sometimes we have to vent our frustrations with someone, so we turn to our web pages/diaries/journals. Because at least that way, it's out there and done with, and if someone bitches about it being out there it just makes it worse, because then the issue is still not properly vented and you now have added bullshit to already hurt feelings. So this is my way of warning everyone who reads this who knows me personally, if you don't think you can handle being insulted/talked shit on by me at a time when you have made me temporarily angry, then stop reading my diary. I refuse to censor my thoughts to spare your feelings on my personal web page. I also refuse to make this a locked diary or any of that other crap. Chances are, random people who read this other then the select few people who know me and currently live in Oklahoma who have this URL don't know you personally. To them you are at best, a brief description in text followed by a little breakdown of how or interpersonal relationship has gone lately. In other words to most of the people who read here, you are nothing concrete, just a few words jotted down here and there, so how could they think all that badly of you? Heck, even if I used your full name, chances are you aren't the only one in the world, and the readers aren't likely to remember it anyway. Let's use the kilt-gnat as an example, just because I never mind giving him shit. Let's say for example, he's pestering Jen for whatever reason, and I say that Jeffery James Smith(I think that's his last name, I could be mistaken though, I probably have forgotten) is a rotten piece of Scottish dwarf-shit, and then go on to explain what the little faux intellectual has done to piss of Jen-Jen this time, and of course by proxy piss me off. (after all, who do you think she always turned to for a sympathetic ear?) Truth is, Jeff might even be a decent person let's say 90% of the time, but he continued to piss Jen off who would tell me, and for a while I would air it out here, until Clint, Jen's roomate, (and all around neatly scary guy, from what I've heard) wrote me a well thought out letter, asking me to refrain from talking about the situation so that tensions wouldn't be quite so bad between his roomate (jen) and his best friend (jeff). Thus, for the first and only time ever, I censored this diary for the sake of a third party who was caught in the middle of a really shitty situation. I'm not sure that it helped all that much, but since I liked the guy from the one time I had talked to him online I was willing to give it a shot (anyone who has a fondness for shotguns over handguns can't be that bad). Truth is, from what I understand, Jeff can even be a nice guy, and I certainly hoped that he was when Jen left me for him, but when he pissed her off it would piss me off even more, because you are supposed to go up in the dating pool, not down. (or at least that was the impression I got) Not that Jen is the easiest person in the world to get along with, but with her the good parts have always outweighed the bad. But I'm way off subject again, the point is, I can talk all the shit I want to right here about anyone, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER A DAMN BIT. The people who actually know him, can't really take offense to it, because THEY KNOW HIM BETTER THEN I DO, and the people who don't ARE NOT GOING TO KNOW THAT IT'S HIM, IF THEY EVER MEET HIM. Think about it, how many fucking people in this world are named Jeffery James Smith, probably millions! That is such a common name that even with a fairly accurate description of the person in question, there are probably at least a hundred people who fit it with that name. In fact the reason I picked him for this particular example, other then the fact that it's an example of something that actually happened along the lines of what I was talking about, is because his name is so common, and the only description thing I've said that could actually be used to identify him is that he's short, and I haven't even said exactly how short. So considering I'm around 6'2" or 6'1", that could be ANYONE with that name under six feet tall. The point is, if I write something about you personally, and it offends you, and you are too immature to handle it, then don't read my diary. So far other then the one incident mentioned, this has not been a problem, and I didn't even mind that one much, but it doesn't need to be a problem. Certainly pestering me about it isn't going to make things better. It would just add fuel to the fire, as the old cliche goes. There are plenty of other places to visit on the Internet, I suggest you go and see one of them. I for one refuse to censor myself on my "diary" because you can't handle it.

~Matt Magus

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