2003-07-01

I've been getting more and more antisocial as the days go by, and it's bothering me. Everytime I get around more then three of my friends at one time I start thinking of things I'd rather be doing. Is this normal?
Last night Matt Keepers, Nate, and Jen-Jen came over to watch wrestling. As I stated before, Jen made stoup, which was really good, but after wrestling was over all I wanted to do was go and lay in my room and listen to music alone. Maybe I am depressed. I had previously thought that because this idea had occured to me that maybe I wasn't, but now I'm not so sure. Usually when Jen comes over I'm all kinds of happy, because she's such a great person to be around, but last night it didn't even matter that she was there. In fact, at first, immediately after wrestling, I went in to my room, turned on the music, and nearly collapsed on my bed. While I layed there, I thought about Jen being there, and forced myself to get up and go be somewhat friendly. I don't think I was all that convincing.

Sometimes I think Aislinn expects me to jump up and down with excitement when she's done something to the house. Yesterday she cleaned up the front room and living room areas, as well as rearranged the front room. I hadn't noticed the rearranging at first because it was dark and I was preocuupied. So after wrestling was over and there was a bit more light, I noticed it and said "Oh, you rearranged in here too", meaning of course in addition to cleaning the place, which was hard enough a job in itself. However, maybe I didn't seem all that entusiastic about it, and she immediately said, "I did a lot of work, are you criticising.", like she almost couldn't believe I would say anything. I took a bit of offense to this, especially as I said something to acknowledge her hard work and she got all silly about it. So I said, "No, not yet", and then began to look around as if I were some sort of decorator surveying another persons work. I left it at that really except to acknowledge that I like the desk better in the position she placed it, which was the main thing that made me notice the rearranging in the first place. Really though, she needs to chill out something bad, I am not the kind of person who shows thier happiness for a good job with fake enthusiasm. In fact, if I mention something at all it's my way of praising it, unless it's something particularly earth shatteringly good. The kind of good that makes you all tingly. Except where Jen is concerned of course, with her I always make a point to mention when she does a good job of something and put extra emphasis on it because almost no one else does. Bobby might, I haven't really been around the two of them enough together to notice, but I know that, with the possible exception of Lynda (again, not enough data), no one else does. All most of her friends seem to be able to do is say that they could have done it better, no matter what it is, instead of offering actual constructive criticism, they just basically treat her like her accomplishments suck and they are so much better at everything. I REALLY hate that. Her parents, by the way, aren't any better about it. So every time she does something really well, I make extra effort to let her know just how good it is. As far as I'm aware, I don't praise it more then it's worth, I just make sure it's known. I've even checked a couple of times with other people to make sure that I wasn't just being so happy with something because she did it. Nope, the layouts she's done are really ever bit as cool as I have stated and think they are. Have I mentioned I can't stand the way Jen's family usually treats her, and her mom is actually an alright person most of the time, but I've never seen anyone be so unnecessarily critical of someone else in my life. I'm not even going to get started on her father, the dynamics of that relationship alone could fill a thousand of these rants.

At any rate, point is I don't feign enthusiam. I won't go talk shit about good things you've done either. Mostly, if I say anything at all, that's my way of saying, "good job".

~Matt Magus

p.s. Oh, one more thing, the one thing I tend to be exccedingly enthusastic about is poetry, when I hear something really good, I have to let it be known. But then, poetry is like a religious experiance for me, very much akin to the snake shakers and the like.

0 comments so far

<<< | >>> | Random