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yjuytdjt

2003-08-29

There are a lot of nice things going on right now, and I almost feel ashamed for yesterdays entry (man, that was really depressing). I would like to thank Witchy for stopping by again, but there's no real need to be that hard on yourself. My main point about Crowley in that entry was supposed to be that it is only natural to be creeped out by the man, but that you should always remember the evolution of your religion, whatever it may be. Unfortunately, when I get to ranting I tend to lose my point somewhere in all of the explaination, and somewhere along the way in that particular rant, the tone changed. What was ment to be informative about a certain historical occultist sounded just plain bitchy by the end, and for that I apologize. It's just that sometimes one thought flows into another and then another, until the structure entirely breaks down. What was supposed to be saying, "it's ok to be weirded out", became "why are there so many misunderstandings about simple things", which brought out my frustration with the general population of humanity. All of this adds to a bad mix. If I were a better writer I would structure these articles a bit better, and perhaps this is where I should attempt to improve next.

I was obviously starting to digress again there, but I tend to usually write the things I think about, as I'm thinking about them. That's why so many of my poems are also all over the place (something I've tried to correct lately), because I would just write down thoughts and impressions as I thought or felt them. Lately with poetry I've learned to narrow the focus a little bit. Unfortunately, it's even harder to narrow it with my ranting because there are so many places I can go with any single thought, and since, unlike the poems, I don't always have a central point to focus on, I tend to go a little out there. Here's a good example of the way I usually write, especially in this journal. I sit down and think about what I want to say initially, and then I just let the thoughts flow naturally and try to write as many of them down as I can, so that I can attempt to show you my thought process. As a brief idea of how this works, I wrote most of this paragraph in under five minutes, without stopping to think about my phrasing or anything like that, just letting the thoughts come naturally. With poetry I have to stop and think of metaphors and other such devices in such a way that I've never heard it phrased before, or I have to decide whether or not the thought fits in with the theme of the piece, but with these, as you can tell, I just allow myself to go on, like a silioquy to no one in particular. I don't really write these things (any of them) with a particular audience in mind, either, at least most of the time. Now I'll admit that certain of my poems are ment to be read by certain individuals, if nothing else in a pathetic attempt to flatter them if nothing else. I have to go now, have to switch desks, perhaps I'll rant more later...

~M

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